Clinging Hold of The Happy

I cannot deny it: I am shattered!   

I have been so driven, so clear in my vision, and so determined to prove 'nothing is impossible' that I've pushed myself and my family to our limits.  I have seen 4am three times in the past six nights alone.  Enough now!

So I am relieved beyond belief that just as my mind, body and sanity are screaming out "it needs to stop", it would seem I'm making some incredible break-throughs with my art. And with that comes a relief that maybe, just maybe, every late night and weekend spent working, the stresses endured, and the financial rollercoaster & risks I've juggled might have all been worth it.  

This morning I started smiling, then laughing out loud.  I was here alone, before I'd heard any good news of the day.  And it felt good.  I am happy.

Underneath the image of drive, determination and sheer obsession, I am an optimist.  I've never really been able to fully explain how this 'unbelievable' story has happened.  I am fully aware of how crazy it must all seem, but I've learnt that the more I've pushed myself, the braver I've become.  I have no idea how I have found the resilience to continue with such single-mindedness and energy, whilst my sanity & wisdom have been challenged to the max!

I am so excited and ready for tomorrow ... but for now I'm taking my happy head for some much needed sleep, zzz